A Midnight Stroll

Time weighed heavily on his bones

1806, 1943

Each step he took, he walked a century

1740, 1856, 1901

Dust stirred beneath his aged form

1723, 1907 and 1908 respectively

Death surrounded him

1812, 1776, 2009

In all it's glory

Interviewing my Mother (Draft 2)

        What was it like dying?

As the cancer seared through your body

            Did you still find time to smile?

As your lungs became the battle ground

            Between healthy and mutated cells

Did life still have meaning?

"Radiation, turned my skin red

My beautiful hair, my source of pride,

Finally came out, falling onto my pillow

As if my body itself were weeping

Your aunt came over that day

      Shaving my head, removing my crown

    After all, it was time for wigs

Oh, but I had a smile on my face

when you got off the bus that day

My new crown of glory resting on my head

An unexpected surprised that

wasn’t unexpected, after all

There were five of you, three of blood, two of love,

my beacons of life

You were only newly ripped from the womb,

But in so little time,

you learned the lesson of death

            One that I taught you

But my life had meaning, how could it not?

I had all I wanted in life.

After all, I had you.

            It just wasn’t enough to live for

Dying wasn’t so bad, once you got past the grief

            My body, it ached. Walking became difficult

How could I fight it any longer? My brain turned to mush

            Fleeting memories of better times,

And my body…oh how heavy it felt

            Even after losing my breast

I still felt heavy, as if my bones turned to stone

            But we had fun, despite the war

Raging inside of me. Your grandmother,

            She would stand beside me, inappropriately grabbing my breast

The one that was no longer there

But we all laughed. It was funny, it was naughty

And if we couldn’t poke fun at my situation

I’d be dying in a different way

For two years I fought, and then I was cleared

            I wasn’t dying anymore.

The cells were gone and it was time to recover

            Time to move on

I made jokes, talking about how my new breasts

            Would be bigger than yours

But it wasn’t in my cards. Not for me

            And not for you

My cancer came back

            Or it never did leave

This time though, it perforated my lungs

            My liver, my brain

I would have been on chemo for life

            And radiation for sure

A red, shell of a person is what I would have been

            But I didn’t have it in me, not anymore

The battle became too fierce

            I withered away before your eyes

A rose fighting for life in the warmth of Summer

            While their insides turned to ice

I wish I could say I had a glorious end

            One filled with trumpets and singers

A real menagerie, but it wasn’t

            It was in the living room

Surrounded by my family, but confined to my bed

            Where I found out what it truly was like

To finally be dying

            It was where you found out

What it felt like to die”

Interviewing My Mother

What was it like dying?

As the cancer seared through your body

            Did you still find time to smile?

As your lungs became the battle ground

            Between healthy and mutated cells

Did life still have meaning?

Radiation turned my skin red

My beautiful hair, my source of pride,

Finally came out, falling onto my pillow

As if my body itself was weeping

Your aunt came over and shaved my head

                        It was time for wigs

But I had a smile on my face

when you got off the bus that day,

An unexpected surprised that

wasn’t unexpected, after all

There were five of you, three of blood, two of love,

my beacons of life

You were only newly ripped from the womb,

But in so little time, you learned the lesson of death

            One I taught you

But my life had meaning, how could it not?

I had all I wanted in life.

After all, I had you.

            It just wasn’t enough to live for

Dying wasn’t so bad, once you got past the grief

            My body, it ached. Walking became difficult

How could I fight it any longer? My brain turned to mush

            Fleeting memories of better times,

And my body…oh how heavy it felt

            Even after losing my breast

It still felt heavy, as if my bones turned to stone

            But we had fun, despite the war

Raging inside of me. Your grandmother,

            She would stand beside me, inappropriately grabbing my breast

The one that was no longer there

But we all laughed. It was funny, it was naughty

And if we couldn’t poke fun at my situation

I’d be dying in a different way

For two years I fought, and then I was cleared

            I wasn’t dying anymore.

The cells were gone and it was time to recover

            Time to move on

I made jokes, talking about how my new breasts

            Would be bigger than yours

But it wasn’t in my cards. My cancer came back

            Or it never did leave

Only this time it perforated my lungs

            My liver, my brain

I would have been on chemo for life

            And radiation for sure

A red, shell of a person is what I would have been

            But I didn’t have it in me, not anymore

The battle became to fierce

            I withered away before your eyes

A rose fighting for life in the warmth of Summer

            With their insides turned to ice

I wish I could say I had a glorious end

            One filled with trumpets and singers

A real menagerie, but it wasn’t

            It was in the living room

Surrounded by my family, but confined to my bed

            Where I found out what it truly was like

To finally be dying

            It was where you found out

What it felt like to die

For My Son

For My Son

Cleaning a room is an odd experience,

 like a trip into a jungle,

 where’ve you seen everything before,

but they suddenly have new meaning,

 or like an exotic trip,

one to the canyons,

where every useless item you find

 is suddenly valuable,

Like those old pants I bought you

the ones that never fit you quite right,

but you wore them anyway, just to make me happy

though I knew you never did like them,

or your mountain of mismatched socks,

 the ones I never could throw away –

even though we both knew I wanted to, 

but you, you were so adamant

in your defense, claiming that one day, their soul-mate would come

but that day never did come,

and it never will, not since the day

 I received that message, the one thrown

  on my desk in a crumbled mess,

the one covered in bitter tears so potent,

 the black ink smeared, pooling onto that ricketty, raggedy desk

             you spent all your time at, the cigarette dish still fresh,

your cologne, still too strong - the one that always

 made me sneeze - your faded drawings, covered in crayon and marker.

your favorite pen, used to write many of letters back in the day, your box of tissues

the tissue! Oh, how could I forget

  the tissue? The one you used to dab at my eyeliner

joking about how I looked akin to a raccoon

 and oh how mad that made me, but you

  you laughed it off, that deep laugh of yours

that sung a melody like the music box

A music box like a snow globe.

 My snow globe.

 Remember that?

The glass could never be cleaned, and the snow

 never quite looked right, but you

            worked so hard, throwing those darts

 and nailing the target, winning the globe

You held it proudly, like a trophy

 Then handed it over to me

            Now here it lies, clouded with dust

Is it still your trophy now?

What about that old piece of bread

 you kept in that liquid-filled dish

That grew a whole colony

 and I urged you to throw it out

  but you never could do it

How about your lucky ball cap

 that smelled and had more holes than it ought

            but you wore it anyway

your raven-black hair protruding through

 like a smooth pebble

  in a river that flew too fast

I would venture through this forest a million times

 if it meant I’d find you at the end

  with medals of gold on your chest

A hero, my hero

 Just like you always have been

            even with your quirks. The ones I loved

How could I not love them? You were perfect

            Always were, and always will be

You’re perfect to me

 I even keep that ghastly clock in my room

             that one that never did quite work

The one that goes off the same time every day

                        11:11

   if only I had a wish to make

But for now, I’ll settle with

 those dried, dead flowers

 given to me in the month of May

Proclaiming me at the Queen of them all

 I wore my crown proudly

            even though, it never did quite match,

My flour-stained apron, 

or weathered shoes

            After all, it was a gift from you

And like everything you’ve ever given me

            I’ll treasure it always. Even the grief

Because even this sadness, reminds me of you

Listen now, the clock is chiming

  11:11

 it’s time to make a wish

Letter to God (New Version)

I would appreciate some feedback!

Dear God,
I know it's been awhile, since I've written to you
But what to write, I had not a clue
There was this girl, a friend of mine
with beautiful eyes and a smile divine
I loved her eyes, I loved her laugh
She truly was, my other half
Maybe it was wrong, how hard I fell
but when I was with her, my heart would swell
Together we'd spend, hours at night
Kissing and cuddling, until it got light
Maybe I sinned, maybe I was wrong
but my feelings for her, were too damn strong
I asked her to marry me, and she said yes
What happened next, you can only guess

Time went by, the years slipped away
But no matter what, I'll remember the day
The day she came to me and sat me down
and told me just what, the doctor had found
Inside her womb, now grew our child
and for a moment, I went wild
This was great news, for someone like me,
It was hard to believe, I was a father-to-be

I know you don't understand, why I did not write
When the life you gave me, was happy and bright
You knew I was thankful, and happy for it all
At least until, I got the call
The one from the hospital, where my son was born
The call that left me, feeling torn

Why did you do? Why'd you take him away?
Why couldn't you just let him stay?
You called him to the heavens above
Where he would be yours, to hold and love
But why God why, did she go too?
Was one death not enough for me to go through?
I don't understand it, it doesn't make sense
The sorrow in my heart, became immense
I did everything right, were you mad at me?
Was happy not what I was meant to be?
Did I fail as a husband? Where did I go wrong?
I always made sure, my prayers were long
I prayed and prayed and prayed some more
I had a cross on every door

I guess it wasn't enough for you
and now all this pain, I must go through
The least I could say, is that I tried
to try and remain, on your good side
I wanted to keep you happy, but it couldn't be done
You took away my wife, after my son

So here's the letter, I promised to write
When I held my wife, close at night
Before my son had been taken away
When I had, only good things to say

Here's the letter, I promised to write
When my future appeared, happy and bright
But things have changed, and so have I
I spent my time, trying to get by
But it's just not in me, to let things go
Losing my wife, was a fatal blow
I find myself wishing, it had been me you had taken
wishing you realized, you were mistaken
I wanted you to come, to take me away
And with my wife and son I'd stay
but that is impossible, and now I know why
Everything I learned about you, was all a lie
There is no God, you don't exist
No matter how much, others insist

The God they claim to know
Would never sink so low
to take away a man's wife and son
and so in my hand, now lies a gun
But it's not for you, it's for me
My eyes are open, I finally see
I found a way, to be with my wife
By taking away, my very own life
Together we'll be, in the land of the lost
where we'll be happy, no matter the cost

Amen

For Mom

Happy Birthday Mom
It's a special day for you
Blow out the candles
Make your dreams come true

Watch the flames as they flicker low
Watch them until it's time to go

It's been a year and time just flies
Especially when this one was filled with goodbyes
It's hard to believe you're no longer here
but in my heart you'll always be dear

So I wish that this birthday for you is the best
and your soul forever lays at rest
Forever I'll love and miss you
And even though my mood is blue
I wrote this poem just for you
and at your gravestone these words shall lay
As a gift from me on your birthday